Wolverine Wisdom

DSC_0007

It has been months since I posted a blog!

I recently heard someone say that the universe is never static, that it is always in a state of motion… either expanding or collapsing.  They used this to refer to personal growth – we are either expanding or contracting.  Ok – I think it was Hugh Jackman whom I have roughly paraphrased … I had hoped it was Einstein, but I couldn’t find the official quote, so I suppose I am using wolverine logic to explain the state of my life!  Nonetheless, this idea that we are never at a stand still – but either expanding or contracting was a profound statement …  about my state.

I am not sure exactly when it began…

Plagued by painful eye problems and pummelled by migraine/cluster headaches for a few months – I began a physical retreat.  I was tired … and I allowed life to feel like it required TOO much and as usual I had not enough.  Words spoken – and unspoken – gave power to the Shadows of the Past, telling me that the stain would never be washed away.  I listened to the silent whispers that ” I would never measure up.” And so I was dedicated to the direction of MY motion.

I constricted into a tight ball of fear and self-doubt – and plunged into despair.

And so I sat. Neglecting my creativity, my joy, my faith and my call. I retreated, withdrew … and became small, small, small.

BUT!!!  I am blessed with a group of friends who are my God-appointed accountability warrior sisters – they have the strength and courage to challenge my Shadows. ( I also call these strong women my DEAR friends, in case the former sentence made you feel uncomfortable!  However they know who they are – and the great gift they give me in my moments of doubt! )   I sat with them, wept, and poured out my feelings of disappointment, self-condemnation and pain.  As I sobbed, one of my warrior sisters interrupted me. “Ronda, I cannot believe I am hearing your words! Do you hear what you are saying? I can’t believe you are listening to all those OLD tapes – and LIES!”

She was right. It is time to change the direction of my motion!

So, I am picking up my pen again, (the pen always comes before the computer keys) , and shouting out to the world, (or maybe just the few souls that read my blog) – I am taking ANOTHER step!

The name of my blog is all about my journey.

It was an enormous step to post my first blog.  It was a huge accomplishment to hit PUBLISH on my business website.  It took breathless courage and belief to sit with our first coaching clients. But I did it.

It’s all been about taking steps – small tentative steps and huge unbelievable leaps. It’s about believing in my worth and the unique gifts I have to offer the world.  It’s choosing to listen to something other than my ever-present whisperings that tell me “I am not enough.”  It is saying NO to unbelief, disbelief, self-doubt and despair.  It is about taking steps.

I wanted to include in this blog,  a rant on some well-timed, inappropriate comments made by someone ill-informed. Well timed – meaning they were arrows that pierced my heart, and words that encouraged the speed of my retreat.  However, acknowledging the actual words robs me of my victory … so this is what I will say.

I KNOW the steps I have taken in my life, alongside my dear husband, to move through pain and grief and sorrow and devastation. We stepped and stepped and stepped.   What could have destroyed us – we conquered!

I know it is possible to move beyond pain … and to live a life with passion and purpose. THIS is the HOPE I have to give and the LIGHT I have to share.

And so, this is just ONE MORE STEP, and one more VICTORY!  One more blog post, one more lesson learned.

Stretching … expanding … one foot in front of the other!

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Wolverine Wisdom

  1. Anonymous

    Bless you for going public with the journey. God has provided a way out. He’s scooped you up, dusted off your knees. looked at the scrapes and decided they’re healing nicely. Now off you go!!

  2. Joy Harris

    One of your many gifts is in your words. I am glad your are back. You always seem to hit my soul somehow because you are just that powerful. Loved your words this morning so much. My day is better because of your courage. Always love you!!!

    1. Joy…thank you so much! You bless me with your kind words. Sometimes it feels strange to put my journey “out there” for anyone to read, but I know my struggles are not unique to me, so I am blessed when my words resonate with someone else. Love you too my beautiful friend!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s